If you just need to redirect your users through a specific Identity Provider, you can include the idpparameter in your /authorize request. That will ensure the user is routed through the target Identity Provider and then forwarded along to your application with their authorization code
when they get from siteA to OKTA, they can login however they choose -
i have my own custom button to initiate OIDC login via siteB that the user can click,
and if so - after completing the login in siteB, they’re redirected back to OKTA, become logged in - but [and this is the issue:] not redirected back as logged user to siteA
That URL will only log the user into Okta through the indicated Identity Provider, not into a target application, so users will wind up on the End User Dashboard or the Default App configured for the org,
Presuming this is an OpenID Connect integration, you application should instead be making an /authorize request to route users through Okta, their IdP, and then back to the target application (via the provided redirect_uri)